Friday, January 18, 2008 Y 4:03 PM
I'm rlly very tired . I rlly very tired .
God , i'm fucking happy he's back from malaysia . I'm fucking irritated to know that i went to that place to avoid seeing him . And HEY I SAW HIM again ~ Do anyone know how it feels like ? Why singapore so small . Yes , i am blaming singapore for being so small . YES I AM ! so what?
By right i was suppose to be at northpoint , but i was afraid i'll see that someone . So i went safra instead . Because my friend told me she saw him not with him . So i went THERE . And who i actually saw . bloody fuck .
No , i'm not angry . Please trust me . I said i got no reason to angry , and i mean it . I saw you , i got a mixture of this and that . My face can tell , i know you know it too . But your face told me that you don't give a fuck . Which i really don't know . Please don't blame me for that . I really don't know .
Someone told me that now i have a good new life , i should learn how to be a human again . And my answer for you is , no i don't want to . No i will never want . (:
Questions like " You still love him ? " , " You want patch with him or not ? " or " He handsome mehs ? " . Even worse , my friend asked me something which i rlly don't know what to answer . What is his charm . OH MY GOD ! I think this is the world most difficult question . I didn't say a thing . I smiled . For a moment , then i reply ... i don't know lehs . -_-
Please guys , do understand why i don't like answering questions like that . I can't give you the answer which i know and wanted to say . i'll never say . Because things had changed . I can't say what i want now . Things are getting more difficult for me alone . Yes , he need time . And yes , i have plenty of time . SO DOES THAT FUCKING MEAN I GAVE HIM TIME MEANS I'M HAPPY TO TACKLE THIS KINDA QUESTIONS . THIS QUESTIONS MADE ME JUST SO FUCKED UP . I COULD JUST SHOUT STRAIGHT TO YOUR FACE . But what's the fucking point ? I don't find any point anymore . I got no energy to get angry , to get sad to get whatever shit you could think of . trust me .
When i was young , yes . No you , big fuck mehs ? i got my sister ma . But now no . it's a very big fuck . And mind you , i'm not despo . I just need you by my side . NO ! at least i know there's someone for me to look forward to . Now ? no . Other then study means sleeping . other then that ? what else ??
Now how i feel like , i don't expect you to know . But please spare a thought for me? I'm feeling fucking terrible when people start asking whether i love you or not ? GUYS LISTEN UP , YES I DO ! SO?
Please , don't shorten my life . i've been thinking of him every night . Thats enough . At least now i know i'm strong enough to hold back tears again . I didn't cry when i face him today . HAHAH ! I DID IT ! Because i know , crying or not . Doesn't bring him back anymore . So what for ? Though i rlly do feel like . Tears is coming down , coming down . but nope , i'm not gonna let it fall . i'll let it stream down my heart instead.
Yes it still hurts just looking at you . yes it hurts , and it always hurts . Till now , it still does . Never lessen , never . Nothing at all lessen . Yes i still miss you . But all i feel like doing now is turning back time . Where i never chose to be with you at the very beginning . Never to tell you that yes when you like me i liked you too . And continue treating you are talking cock to me , i don't care if you're angry or not . I SWEAR I WON'T CARE . But now it's all too late . I've lost .....lost....
I can feel my heart crying every now and then . i can feel it . well , does it matter ? Tell me does it still matter . I've not yet gotten over you . Did you ? i love you , do you ? i miss you , did you ? All this question come popping out in my fffking brain .
It's terrible when i actually struggling with the urge of hugging you just now . I am , struggling . It felt terrible when i actually wanted to hug you so much . But i couldn't . I wanted to touch your face and enjoy your warmth again . But fuck it . idk ~ i miss you.
