Tuesday, September 04, 2007 Y 11:42 PM
Sometimes , i'm starting to hate myself more each day. hello ? I'm stating a fact alright? Imagine , the one you loved most become someone you don't feeling like talking to , but on the other hand you have so much to talk to him yet nothing to talk about? Or even , you know you misses him so much but yet you don't feel the urge to see him? Or even you're angry him for not having time to accompany you yet you don't feel the point to get angry anymore?It doesn't matter it's gonna be 9plus or even 10plus , time don't seems to be the key anymore? Remembering how i would mumble about when he's late , now i don't even seems to get angry . Remembering how much i hated going somewhere alone to meet with someone , anyone . Now i do without realising i still hate travelling alone so much . I find it all rather pointless? Knowing that someone hated being alone , travelling alone , wanting so much you would still remember no matter what you'll meet her under her block . But all you got to do now is a sorry . How simple? But unknowingly , i find sorry . Too common nowadays , too common to the extend where i don't actually feel anything anymore ? I know i still love him so much so much so much . But seems to be rather pointless ? Probably i'm at home for far too long , i don't seems to seperate day from night . It's both the same right ? Having a proper meal or not , does it matters ? I don't quite think so . I spend this two days aimlessly ? I woke up in the morning at 10 am , then went back to sleep till 1+ . Trying hard to wake up , but my body don't allowed that to happened . Cause i know i'll be doing nothing at all ? So i didn't put in much effort in waking up . What i do now is , after waking up i'll be chnging my spot . i'll be lying down on the mattress in the living room watching television . From after 2 pm til night 9 pm , never moved . Just watching television made my day . Andi find it rather hard to concentrate on television ? I wanted so much to go out and find my beloved . But having to have no idea where he is , spoils my day . Watching and watching , i realised something . All of the programmme i watched includes couples and love . And i'm starting to think ; awww , it's been a long time since i last rlly fell in love with a man i see everyday . In the night , alone in bed . Woke up alone in bed . Watching television with my mother , but having them or not it doesn't make a differences . A day , i don't speak more then 10 sentence at home . All i do is watching television . i don't junk food-ed nowadays , cause i don't have the mood to . I don't feel like updating cause basically i got nothing to update . I never called anyone simply because there's nothing to tell the others .
All i have in mind right now is , i'm born individually so i should die individually right ? No wonder i'm alone . i'm not angry because i'm alone . I'm not angry because having or not having love doesn't make a difference . I'm angry that i find everything stupidly pointless . Thats what i'm angry about ? I never cry , never drink , never eat , never angry , never laugh . i just sleep and watch television all day long . And i'm starting to think i actually don't need to speak or need anyone to survive right ?
ALONEEEEEEE(:
but i need you like no one ever did . i miss you so much . i just need someone ):
